15 Things Couples Forget to Discuss Before Getting Married
One of the most common reasons for divorce is a lack of compatibility and communication. Before saying “I do,” people who want to enter into a lifelong marriage should definitely lay out their expectations and history. That way, they can at least be prepared for any challenges they may face as spouses.
1. “How are we going to combine finances?”
It is critical to plan how you will handle the money you will both be earning in the future. Each person may require their own stash in addition to one shared account to which both spouses contribute each month. A number of how much is required monthly can be discussed and agreed upon, depending on their salaries. A valid question is also when the money from your joint finances can be used.
“How much money do you owe?”
Confirming each other’s true debts can help you both plan ahead of time on how to deal with them. Nobody wants to be surprised with their new spouse’s debt after they marry. Anyone would feel betrayed if they only found out about their partner’s true debt after the wedding. Furthermore, this may have a negative impact on their partner’s trust.
“How are we saving for our retirement?”
Everyone will have to retire from their jobs at some point. And being married necessitates including each other in your retirement plans. You should plan to have enough for at least two people and to account for potential medical costs if either of you becomes ill.
“Do you intend to have children?”
Not everyone who wants to marry wants to have children. Even if both spouses want children, there are other issues to consider, such as parenting styles, what you’d do if the children had disabilities, or how you’d react if they turned out to be different than you expected.
“What will you do if we can’t have children?”
Having children is a necessity for some people. So, if a couple is unable to have children for whatever reason, they must consider their options. They may decide to adopt a child, use a surrogate, undergo IVF, or divorce and marry someone else.
“How will we divide our chores?”
Chores may appear to be a trivial topic to discuss, but they can be the catalyst for a full-fledged fight. This is because a person may become overwhelmed if they do all of the chores by themselves. To make sure that there’s peace in the house, it would be better to talk about the chores each person is in charge of.
“What do you consider to be cheating?”
We may believe that everyone understands what cheating entails, but the term can mean different things to different people. For example, one person may consider kissing to be cheating, while another may consider meeting up with an ex to be unacceptable. Some people believe that falling in love with someone else is cheating. To avoid misunderstandings, a couple should discuss how comfortable they are with each other’s closeness to other people.
“What are your hopes and plans for the future?”
“Where do you see yourself in 5 to 30 years?” This may sound like an interview question, but a person’s goals may differ from their partner’s definition of what it means to be happily married. One may be willing to struggle as an artist before making it big, whereas the other may simply want a stable life with a steady income. This question could help people imagine what their shared life will be like.
“What are your deal breakers?”
Everyone has pet peeves, and it’s a good idea to share them with each other so that living together is bearable. A person, for example, may feel the need to keep everything in order, whereas his or her partner may feel more at ease in a more chaotic environment. A compromise could be reached if these issues are discussed early on.
“How do you intend to care for/provide for your parents?”
Parents will grow old and possibly become ill, necessitating their care. Decisions such as whether or not you want to live with them, who will care for them, and how much money you want to set aside to provide for them are all good things to think about before getting married.
“Can you tell me about your medical and mental health history?”
Being biologically compatible is critical, especially if both of you plan to have children. At the very least, they could be open about each other’s physical and mental health histories, as well as those of their families. That way, they can mentally prepare for what may come in the future.
“Where would you like to live?”
Though it may appear obvious, people may fail to discuss this before getting married. Whether they choose to live in the country or the city will have a significant impact on the life they will share. It may also lead to dissatisfaction if one spouse wishes to live in an apartment while the other wishes to live in a house with a front porch. Arguments may arise if one person expects to live near friends or family while the other believes the home is only a temporary residence.
“How much time do you want to spend with me?”
Even though marriage usually entails living together, it does not imply that the couple must spend all of their time together, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. They are still individuals with unique requirements. They will occasionally need to give each other space and have me-time. Some people may require more space than others, so it’s important to understand what is expected of each other before getting married.
“What do you want to happen after you die?”
This may be one of the most difficult topics to bring up, especially when people are about to celebrate sharing a life together, but it is critical that everyone is on the same page. People usually have a preference as to whether they want to be buried or cremated after they die. And everyone has their own ideas about what they want others to do if they’re on life support.
“What do you have in mind for our social lives?”
People who are married are expected to attend certain events together. However, even married people want to spend time with their friends without their spouses. So it’s worth talking about what social events they plan to attend together and who they should meet once they’ve tied the knot.
What else should couples talk about before getting married? What did you talk about with your significant other before the wedding, if you’re married?