Sssshhhh, don’t tell anyone, but we all do it.
1. Do you remember when you last washed the bra you’re wearing right now?
No? Me neither. ?
2. According to the instructions, you’re supposed to change your tampon every four to six hours…
But be honest, you’ve left it in for way longer than that before, haven’t you?
3. There have been times when, in an emergency, you’ve had to use toilet paper instead of a tampon or pad.
IT WAS AN EMERGENCY!
4. When it’s cold outside, you stop shaving.
Unless you need to wear a skirt or dress, but even then, you only shave the parts that can be seen.
5. And sure, you’ve peed in the shower. Who hasn’t?
There’s no helping it sometimes.
6. And yes, we have all picked our noses.
7. Sometimes we remove the dirt from under our nails with…well, our nails.
8. There is nothing more disgusting than sneezing when you’re on your period.
Not even Quentin Tarantino movies are that bloody.
9. You go days, and maybe even weeks, without washing your hair.
Thank god for dry shampoo and hats.
10. This includes after you’ve gone to the gym, or on a long walk, or on those warm days when your scalp gets all humid and gross.
11. Speaking of the gym…that outfit looks pretty familiar.
You’re not using the same sweaty clothes you wore yesterday? Are you?
12. You’ve taken great joy in peeling off your skin after a bad sunburn like some kind of serpent.
13. Be honest, do you remember the last time you washed your makeup brushes?
It’s probably been a while. And now that you’re thinking about it, you still have mascara, lipstick, rouge, and eyeshadow that you got for your 15th birthday that expired ages ago.
14. Instead of using nail polish remover like a decent human being, you pick it off with your teeth and spit it out after.
15. Nothing is more satisfying than removing your blackheads with a strip and then admiring it for hours.
Same goes for when you wax. It’s hypnotic.
16. The rumors you heard are true: We all smell our clothes and decide if it’s worth washing them or wearing them again.
Most of the time, you can wear them again.
17. You’ve spent hours picking off bits of mascara from your eyelashes with your fingers.
But you’ve spent even more time sleeping with your makeup on. And then you just put on more makeup over whatever you had on the day before.
18. You’ve gone fishing for bits of food that fell into your bra.
19. OK, OK, OK. Time to get real.
Few things are as weirdly satisfying as removing a strand of hair that got into your bits or your bum.
20. Accept it, you play with those little mustache and beard hairs that you have.
21. Nothing — NOTHING — is as satisfying as popping a zit.
22. Except for maybe the smell of your own farts.
Or your armpits. Sometimes you marvel at your smells.
23. And sometimes you don’t have a choice, and you have to apply deodorant on your sweaty armpits.
On top of the deodorant that you applied a few hours earlier.
24. And what about all those times where you turned the hair on the floor and walls of the shower into a work of art?
25. And nothing relaxes you more than lying down to watch TV and putting a hand down your pants.
And even playing around with the hair down there in the least sexual way possible.