Think your job sucks? Unless you work in one of these fields, consider yourself lucky.
Russian Snow Shoveler
Pro: This is a job that is completely recession proof. It will never be in jeopardy of ending, unless climate change kicks in, which would be a blessing for these folks, to be honest.
Con: Freaking look at this nonsense. No amount of vodka is getting me up there.
Well, I guess you can file this under “or something.” You never want a profession where you find fresh roadkill and think, “Thank God it’s fresh!” That’s the lowest bar of optimism I can possibly imagine.
You ever walk into a portable toilet and immediately lose your faith in humanity? Well, thank your lucky stars, moons and other heavenly bodies that you don’t have to be the one to clean those up. God bless the poor, wretched, hopefully insanely well-paid souls that do.
We’re just getting started on crappy jobs. Ask yourself: would you be willing to snorkel in feces for a hefty paycheck? If you answered yes, then reevaluate your attachment to money. It’s a construct, man, unlike the trouser sausages you’d be scuba-ing in.
Yeah, the money is nice and so is saving lives and making people feel better. But let’s be honest. This is literally a s**t job and you’re always the butt of every joke.
After four straight jobs involving fecal matter, this one suddenly doesn’t seem so bad. That’s more of a testament to how bad those jobs are as opposed to how good this one is. Look at that lady’s face. That’s the gaze of someone who’s seen the abyss and the abyss was too shy to gaze back at her.
This seems like the best job so far on this list, right? Oh, you sweet, naive child. Imagine standing perfectly still for hours on end, day in and day out for a bunch of folks that are essentially just figureheads at this point. Three days on this job and you’ll be begging to shovel crap or something.
Given their massive frames, bodybuilders have a hard time reaching everywhere on their bodies. That’s where these folks come in to make sure their tans are even. Could be worse… ever wonder how bodybuilders wipe their ass? And you thought we were done mentioning the literal s**t jobs.
Nose removal wouldn’t help you in this career path, as you need it for work. Hopefully they’re making breakthroughs in their research. That fish collector guy is gonna need a medical miracle in odor elimination.
You know annoying raking leaves can be? Imagine if you had to do it one strip at a time and the yard screamed and cursed at you while you did it.
Whatever This Fella’s Getting Paid For
You think public displays of affection are annoying when they’re on the train? Imagine if they’re on a horse. Worse yet, imagine if it’s your job to lead the horse through water. This looks like the worst-possible-rich-person-Oregon-Trail-themed vacation.
“I don’t mean to be rude, but could we maybe get a wheelbarrow?”
“You knew what this was when you signed up for it. Now get back to work!”
“Actually, I still have no clue what this is.”
Dog Food Taste Tester
Could they get a dog to do this job? Well, yeah… if you want to take jobs away from those looking for employment. It’s bad enough robots are taking work from humans, now you want man’s best friend to stab us in the back, too? Grab a spoon, get to munching and be grateful for the paycheck.
People often wonder why human dentists have a reputation for having a high suicide rate. It’s because alligator dentists don’t have the chance to kill themselves, as one slip up and their life is ended via digestion.
Mario has spent the last 30+ years fighting an evil spiky dinosaur and his legion of turtles and ghosts and giant bullets constantly trying to kill him as he tries to rescue a princess that frankly must like being kidnapped at this point. And you know what? He still isn’t even close to the most unlucky plumber on Earth.
Roller Coaster Tester
You call it “roller coaster tester” because it sounds way more fun than a more accurate job description: “guinea pig.” I’m not even sure if this is a job you apply for or get volunteered for. If you ever find yourself riding a roller coaster alone, know that you’re now a test subject.
World’s Largest Call Center
This place probably smells worse that that fish collector fella. Hope the deodorant researchers are working overtime, because everyone in this boiler room is going to need it.
Skyscrpaer Window Cleaner
“Why is that guy smoking a joint on the job?”
Better question: Why wouldn’t that guy be smoking a joint on the job? You should be as high as the floor you’re working on.
I have no clue what this job is. But unless you’re an assassin or something equally cool, getting in trouble with the police for what you do at work just isn’t worth it.